24 Sep Should you kiss on the first date?
OK, you’re tempted to kiss on the first date because your date’s gorgeous and you know they want it too.I’m talking about a real kiss here, not just the polite peck on the cheek…. Should you?
Guest blogger and dating expert Mary Balfour explains what she’s learned about this over 30 years of matchmaking.
The thing is that moment feels right. Surely the electric chemistry between the two of you means that this is a sign of something meaningful? It’s seldom you get that with feeling someone. This is the stuff many people dream of. On the other hand, it’s a first date, and if you met online, you probably don’t know the person fully. What to do.
I say keep them waiting and stay with subtle language, and here’s why:
The smart solution for a single person looking for a real relationship rather than a one-night stand is to remember that instant passion is easy, but the slower and more tantalising the build up to that first real kiss, the more exciting it will be and the more likely it will develop into something special.
Even if you really fancy your date stick to suggesting a touch of sexual electricity by going only for the ‘brushing’ kiss – cheek-to-cheek or mouth to cheek and extend it for that electric split second longer to whet their appetite and keep them wondering.
Please note, I didn’t say mouth to mouth!
If, on the other hand you do think your date’s attractive, but just want to keep your options open, give a quick combined mini-hug and cheek-to-cheek kiss which is friendly and yet not over-intimate.
Stick to an arm squeeze or an amiable handshake if you are unsure where you stand or if you don’t want to see them again.
‘OK,’ I can hear you say, ‘but what if your date starts a ‘tongue down your throat’ kiss on a first date and it’s a case of “no, no” as you’re not keen or not ready?’ Not an easy one! I‘ve asked a lot of singles about this over the years and most would reject the kiss by backing right off.
Some would be embarrassed and avoid eye contact and decide on the spot never to see their date again. If the person’s drunk or a no-hoper – well, that’s fair enough.
But, supposing your date’s a really nice, sensitive, nervous person who, like most of us is terrified of first dates and simply has simply misread your signals? Remember, men aren’t programmed to read body language as well as women… It’s tough for guys as well as gals on dates too.
You want to try and avoid cringe-worthy incidents and feel you’ve handled the situation to the best of your ability.
So if you’re not ready, practise this response: push the person away firmly, establish eye contact and say, ‘I’m not ready for this – I need to know a person really well first.’
There can be no rule about kissing. Let’s face it, every situation must be judged individually.
You need to have a response ready for any turn of events. Above all aim to have fun and always end dates on a happy note, whether they’re a ‘maybe’ or even perhaps ‘the one’.
Remember if you go for the ‘slow burn’ rather than ‘instant passion’ then you’re keeping options open for any turn of events1